I've talked about an AAU coach (whom I respect highly) who counseled players, "that's not how we play" when she noticed poor shot quality, unwillingness to pass, or lazy defense. If our rubric is "play hard, play smart, and play together", then we can't accept "soft" play, poor decision-making, or selfish play.
The S Word. Being labeled "soft" defines the biggest indictment of a player or a team. I remember "going off" on a previous team that mentally succumbed, allowing their opponent to run at will and literally push them around with no response. Sometimes softness is physical, sometimes mental, and sometimes a combination.
Jay Bilas discussed in "Toughness" his humiliation at Duke when he didn't go to the floor for a loose ball. Rajon Rondo quit on the Mavericks in the post-season last year allowing an 8-second call and then failing to cover Jason Terry who promptly drained a three.
Admittedly, as coaches we need to be solution-focused. But to paraphrase Kevin Eastman, it's four words "#$%&, it ain't working." We have to "do it better, do it harder, change personnel, and then change strategy." The well-being of the team comes first. As coaches, we can't lose our team to appease one player.
Poor decision-making. The only way never to err in decision-making is never to decide. I believe in the saying, "one mistake, bad decision; two mistakes bad player; three mistakes, bad coaching." Even professional players make terrible decisions. Boston shooting guard Avery Bradley habitually fouls jump shots AND three-point shots. He fouled a perimeter shot in Milwaukee with one second to go and a tie score and then committed consecutive perimeter shot fouls in overtime the next night against the Clippers. Brad Stevens gave him a pass publicly. I doubt that's what he said behind closed doors.
Selfishness. Nobody wants to be branded selfish. Finding the balance between shooting and distributing is a struggle for many players. "Do more of what's working and less of what isn't." Future Hall-of-Famer Kobe Bryant has worn the label of 'selfish' player, despite winning five NBA titles.
This video briefly examines Bryant's selfishness label.
How do you define selfish? Is self-interested (aren't we all?) and selfish the same? Bleacher Report calls out selfish players in sports. Seldom are poor players accused of being selfish. You be the judge.
Bill Parcells had a saying, "Coaches are the most selfish people in sports. We put the players on the field whom we think give us the best chance to win."
I suspect that if asked about selfishness, most of us would say, "I know it when I see it." Recently, I counseled a player that she needed to be MORE selfish and look to score consistently when she has opportunities in the paint. But Bilas' admonition also regular applies, "it's not your shot, it's our shot."
We should regularly remind players that being a great teammate "doesn't mean thinking less of yourself; it means thinking about yourself less." But it's generally best done privately.