Is Coach Soandso better than Coach Thatotherguy? Do we mean for that game, for that season, for that team, for that situation, for all time? How do you know? We often feel compelled to compare, because that is our nature.
I believe what matters most is becoming a better version of our coaching selves. And we can only do that by working our process, including our curiosity and desire to learn more about the world we live.
Coaching has many dimensions...relationships, communication, organization, preparation, knowledge and teaching, adjustments, and so forth. Show me a great coach with poor relationships and communication. Good luck with that.
That isn't to say that every relationship - coach/player, coach/coaching staff, and player/player works out. Even the Dalai Lama would recognize that as an impossibility among a planet with billions of personalities. One man's meat is another's poison.
Why do we coach? "Are we building a program or a statue," is a question I've heard. We succeed when we add value for our players and team, and when each player feels valued. "Thanks is the least expensive form of compensation." Recognizing a player as a great teammate is an underappreciated resource.
If I tell a player, "if you want to be great, then you have to work great every day." Does that not apply equally to us? Ergo, regularly asking "how am I adding value" and "do players feel valued" become essential elements.
Situations may arise when I can't add much value for a player. I had one player who was very athletic and fast, but had almost no grasp of basketball. I told her parents that she had some real strengths and I thought she could be an exceptional track athlete. They switched her into track.
I don't know any sure-fire way to assure that players feel valued. Someone told me once that it's important to greet each player daily by name within the first ten minutes of practice. I've certainly had a coach who would only greet me if there were a solar eclipse. That didn't feel reassuring (or accidental). Sandwich criticism between praise and thank (when deserved) players for effort.
If I need recognition, renown, or praise then it's really not about me or the team. And the coach's job is ultimately taking the players and the team where they can't go alone...becoming their better version.