"Life is about the management of risk."
A local coach was placed on leave for "alleged verbal misconduct." I know nothing about what happened. We regularly hear about respected coaches leaving their program under a variety of circumstances.
There is always a balance in communication with players. Del Harris talks about levels of communication with obvious levels such as teaching and criticism and harsher levels including discipline and "go nuts" (when players cross absolute boundaries).
Obviously, EVERY coach walks in a potential minefield of dissatisfaction that can cause hard feelings up to termination. We are all aware of the "prime directive" that every parent has the first obligation to advocate for their child (selection, playing time, role) but that does not mean they can influence any of the above.
What "line" cannot be crossed? Times have definitely changed. I could not have more allegiance to my high school coach, who challenged us with harsh language at times, and literally gave a haircut to a player who crossed his (liberal) grooming standards. Clearly, that could not happen today. I would also add that what we said to each other at practice for motivation went a lot further than anything the coach ever said.
Crossing the line.
Calling out. I seldom 'call out' an individual player during a game or practice. I regularly ask a player to 'give us more', especially the most talented players. We can challenge and criticize without demeaning. Coach Brad Stevens preaches "warm and demanding" behavior.
Refocus. After a mistake, it's far better to refocus players with a (Coach K) "next play" or "positive play" than launch into a tirade. We have an agreement about players being substituted out for repeated mistakes (accountability to team) that players agreed upon.
Never curse at a player. How would cursing at a middle school girl make her better? It is said that hearing "Goodness gracious, sakes alive" from Coach Wooden was the strongest criticism a player could get. I'm not suggesting that foul language is a firing offense, just reflecting what my mother taught, "it shows a lack of vocabulary."
Threatening players, especially regarding playing time. I can't get into specifics but I know of coaches who have done that. It is more than semantics to say, "to earn more playing time, this is what you can do" than "if you do that, I'm sitting you." Obviously, academic requirements and team rules apply. We have very few "rules". The best teams handle discipline internally.
Calling out players in the media. Not that anybody is knocking down my door for interviews, but we are best serve by "catching players in the act of doing well." WHAT WENT RIGHT, especially giving attention to players who may get fewer accolades, is a best practice.
Keep the story straight. Major counseling of a player requires another adult presence. It is too easy for "he said, she said" situations to arise. When another adult reinforces, "this was the message", you serve yourself and your players better.
"Never be a child's last coach." When players are dropping out from a program, does that say more about them or us? That doesn't mean that disciplinary boundaries don't apply, including schoolwork, practice attendance, substance use, prejudicial behavior, and so forth. "Are we building a statue or a program?" And are we growing the game or our ego?
I consider my first coaching goals to build character, competence, and connection. If we succeed on those metrics, everyone is a winner.