In Toughness, Jay Bilas shared an incident from his teen years. His father asked him to change the contact paper from his sister's vanity. It was a difficult task, and Bilas described doing it poorly. When his father return home late from work, he inspected it, said nothing, and spent a couple of hours doing it right. Bilas felt shamed, because after a hard day's work, his father did it over...and right. Bilas described his dad as the toughest man he knew.
Example 1. You're the new coach at XYZ High School. Your school has a summer league program, but state rules prohibit your direct coaching. The middle school's eighth grade team was undefeated. Incoming freshmen are permitted in the league, but parents in the program are lobbying for a roster of only current high school players. What do you recommend?
Example 2. You're the established coach at XYZ. Your team is undefeated and in the mix for a state championship. One of your starters informs you she is going on a school trip overseas and will miss ten days of practice and games. Does she retain her starting position when she returns?
We know there's right and wrong, but there's plenty of gray, too.
Doing the 'right thing' depends on perception. What's best for the team, the coach, a given player, and their family? In example 1, blocking access for rising frosh is a common technique seen to 'protect' older players. The opportunity for one group occurs at the expense of the other.
Example 2, illustrates concerns about the commitment of a player to the basketball program versus another opportunity or organization.
In his 1972 letter to players, Coach John Wooden wrote, "You may feel, at times, that I have double standards as I certainly will not treat you all the same. However, I will attempt to give each player the treatment he earns and deserves according to my judgment and in keeping with what I consider to be the best interest of the team. I know I will not be right in all my decisions, but I will attempt to be both right and fair."
The coach wears many leadership hats - mentor, teacher, organizer, jurist, disciplinarian. Our imperfections reflect our humanity, not indifference or favoritism.
But we approach the truth by asking, "what does my team need now?" In example 1, the coach can clarify his commitment to "Team First." That means opportunity for everyone. In example 2, the coach could meet with the player and family and assert the need for the player to reclaim her position that she gave away for another priority. It's basketball, not Sophie's Choice.
When I hear "do the right thing", I think "be professional, be an example." Everyone won't agree with our decisions; but communication builds trust and trust builds loyalty. And that is the right path.