Thursday, October 5, 2017

"Nice to Have" or "Need to Have"



We choose between wants and needs. What is "nice to have" and what do we "need to have?" Coach Nick Saban preaches "eliminate the clutter." 

 Empathy is not clutter, nor even lagniappe (bonus included). I define empathy as "genuine concern for the feelings of others." DeLores Pressley writes of empathy, "Empathy requires three things: listening, openness and understanding." 

 Every NBA coach has extreme basketball knowledge, experience, and competitiveness. But the best, Gregg Popovich, Steve Kerr, Brad Stevens have empathy, the capacity to change lives and behavior. 

 Popovich discussed Australia's Eddie Mabo Day recognizing indigenous people, appreciating its meaning for Patty Mills. Danny Green explained how Popovich shares worldly wisdom and can put himself in players' shoes. In a global game, the Air Force Academy-educated Popovich encourages a worldview not just basketball. Part of Kerr's empathy means deflecting credit to players. “Everyone who gets into coaching in the NBA knows it’s all about the talent.” Consequently, the players understand that they are the show.

 Leaders with both confidence and humility aren't conflicted by empathy. They embrace showing concern for others. Daniel Goleman writes in HBR's 10 Must Reads on Leadership, "People seem to know intuitively that leaders need to manage relationships effectively; a leader's motivation will be useless if he cannot communicate his passion to the organization. Social skill allows leaders to put their emotional intelligence to work." 

 The Harvard Business Review shares that becoming powerful often decreases empathy. "It’s more common to see leaders fail in the area of every day self-management — and the use power in a way that is motivated by ego and self-interest." How often do we see leaders "throw their weight around" or choose a dictatorial style, simply because they can? 

Any of us (as in this Fashion Week photo) can fail at empathy. Did Carmelo Anthony fail at empathy in how he viewed his Knick team? Perhaps LeBron James failed by diminishing Kyrie Irving on the Cavaliers. Some said Saban failed at empathy during his Dolphins tenure.  

 "Enlightened companies are increasingly aware that delivering empathy for their customers, employees, and the public is a powerful tool for improving profits." But we've seen how United Airlines managed overbooking, governments failed at empathy during national disasters, and society approves empathy failure in health care policy. "It (empathy) is seen as a soft and frilly add-on rather than a core tool."

Impaired self-management means an impaired team, impaired coach, and impaired players.

Kevin Eastman discusses emotional intelligence below. We can't pick and choose among social skills to become our best. 
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