Sometime we rewatch a film or reread a book and get more out of it. Don Miguel Ruiz's book The Four Agreements is one such text. Take each 'agreement' at face value but also look deeper at how it applies to life and sport.
1) Be impeccable with your word. The surface implies honesty and commitment. Deeper, it also means to value self affirmation. A positive life can't emerge from negative attitudes. That doesn't mean false bravado but realistic appraisal of our strengths and weaknesses.
2) Don’t make assumptions. This reminds me of the fundamental attribution error where we apply different standards to ourselves than to others. We see our judgments or misjudgments related to situation versus the other guy's which we judge on character. Maybe the other driver is racing to get to the hospital not just driving recklessly.
Stephen Covey told a story of a passenger on a subway annoyed at the father of three small children who were a bit rambunctious on the train. "Can't you do something about them?" The father answered, "it's been really hard since my wife died." Oh.
Teammates viewed a former Oklahoma player as selfish. The player tearfully admitted that her father withheld approval from her if she wasn't scoring. Are we valuing what others do or who they are?
Asking questions helps us form a more nuanced view of a situation. "What led him to make that choice?"
3) Don’t take anything personally. What others say to us or about us reflects them not necessarily us. If we have energy, intelligence, and integrity, we can withstand harsh words. The racist, sexist, narcissist berating others reveals everything about himself and nothing about us. If a coach disparages players' effort or ethos with words like "worthless" or "lazy", he may be projecting.
Commit to personal and professional growth. When I think of Kobe, Paul Pierce, or Bill Bradley, I see guys who used the offseason to add skill.
4) Always do your best. This agreement helps advance the others. Our best might not be great and on some days may be 'ordinary'. Work to bring 'the best version of ourself' to the family, work, or team daily. Be intentional. Know that poor nutrition, rest, and substance abuse disallow us from being our best.
"A single night’s alcohol use impairs hydration (alcohol is a diuretic), muscle recovery, healing, and can cause memory deficits for three days. Alcohol damages sleep. It limits absorption of key vitamins. It decreases endurance.
Teen girls are at even higher risk. Sports require both coordination and complex spatial processing. Studies showed decreased brain activity in relevant areas (by neuroimaging with functional MRI)."
Another part of doing our best is knowing when to "hold fire." Widen the distance between perception and reaction.
Quotes from The Four Agreements:
“Who stops us from being free? We blame the government, we blame the weather, we blame our parents, we blame religion, we blame God. Who really stops us from being free? We stop ourselves.”
"Forgiveness is the only way to heal. We can choose to forgive because we feel compassion for ourselves."
"What causes you to be trapped is what we call personal importance. Personal importance, or taking things personally, is the maximum expression of selfishness because we make the assumption that everything is about 'me'."
"All the sadness and drama you have lived in your life was rooted in making assumptions and taking things personally."
"You can only be you when you do your best."
Lagniappe. This Basketball Immersion video is worth watching multiple times to absorb the power of team defense. Cover 1.5 (one and a half).
Lagniappe 2. The most important word in basketball... is we.