“You have to learn to quit being right all the time, and quit being smart all the time, and quit thinking this is a contest about how smart you are and how right you are, and realize that you are here to make a positive difference in the world. And being smart and being right is probably no longer the way to do that.”- Marshall Goldsmith
Realign expectations. The conversation stuck.
Head Coach: "I can't believe how bad we were, like we never practiced. The turnovers, the bad decisions."
Assistant: "Expecting consistency from twelve year-olds is unrealistic. They'll be better."
Young players surprise us in both directions. Stay grounded to our process. Avoid euphoria or depression and don't give young kids a beatdown.
Take the temperature. "What does the team need now?" Do they need conditioning, a light day, a day off, a pep talk? We have no thermometer. With young players, there is no captain or established team leader. The head coach and assistants need to have the conversation to find out if there are issues like cliques and bullying.
Don't go back to basics. Never leave. In film, it's STORY. In football, it's BLOCKING AND TACKLING. In basketball, it's "get more and better shots than opponents." Whether we're playing well or poorly, focus on improving fundamental individual and team skills.
Don't go negative. Players can learn helplessness. You've read stories of coaches describing players as "worthless" or "losers." Young players lack the experience and ego strength to stay engaged and confident. Some coaches project our inadequacies onto others.
Have hard conversations with two adults present. When serious issues arise, usually behavioral, always address the problem with multiple adults in the room. Never allow it to become, "but he said..."
"Heads I win, tails you lose." Some coaches have the reputation for owning wins and assigning blame for losses. It's not the reputation to acquire.
"Have an identity." Without identity teams founder. "This is who we are and that is who we are not." Business struggle amidst lack of leadership, crushing debt, and migratory product and service mix. Lead, lighten others' load, and stay consistent.
"Row in the same direction." Coaches own getting everyone on the same page in philosophy, education and training, strategy ("this is how we defend the pick-and-roll"), and goals. A single breakdown at any point in a game can define the outcome. Having five ways to defend the pick-and-roll will confuse our team more than it does our opponent. Yes, we know about hedging, switching, trapping, drop and ice, and more. But THEY won't master any.
"Role confusion." "Do your job" demands that players know it. Define roles while working to expand them.
Unfairness. "My dog's better than your dog." Parent coaches have natural enemies. It's easy to give our kids bigger roles, minutes, and recognition. Coaches go the other way, too, being harder on their children. Favor or disfavor our children and either other families or ours will beef.
Don't be a bully. Stay calm. After a bad loss, a rout, the head coach was exasperated by our team quitting. He asked me to say something, "how you play reflects how you live. If you let other people push you around, you go through life being pushed around." Six months later a player told me, "that how you live your life stuff really got to me." She's at an elite college now, not a basketball player...a life player.
Losing perspective. We're coaching kids. "Never be a child's last coach." Coaches help young people make memories. Work to make them good ones.
"Be the adult in the room." Figure it out. In The Undoing Project, Michael Lewis describes a conversation between the brilliant Amos Tversky and Nobel Laureate Murray Gell-Mann, who is pontificating about everything. Tversky tells him, "Murray, there is nobody in the world as smart as you think you are." Everyone has knowledge gaps.
"Don't quit." No coaches want their teams to quit. But coaches can become disaffected or disengaged, too. If we want players to approach the game responsibly, then model excellence.
"Comparison is the thief of joy." - Teddy Roosevelt Decades ago my son played youth baseball with a nine year-old shortstop named Kenny. Kenny was the Barry Larkin of kid shortstops, great fielder and homers every game. I hope my son remembers the experience for the fun, not for being in Kenny's shadow.
What's a coach to do?
- Be positive.
- Make it fun.
- Teach.
- Keep it clear. Simplify.
- Don't make it all about winning. It's not life or death. Don't sacrifice a kid on the altar of victory.