"Delusional." Maybe that's the title of my next coaching book. Choose not to be delusional about youth sports. A video, "All-Stars" serving as inspiration. A few quotes:
"The youngest age groups have the most out of control parents."
"When the girls are eight or ten, every girl is Jennie Finch."
"And every parent knows more than every umpire and coach."
That sounds about right. All of the stories are true. The names, places, genders, and sometimes the sports are changed to protect the guilty.
The late Bob Bigelow wrote a book "Let the Kids Play." I haven't read it. People say the Moms ate it up and the Dads said, "Fuggedaboutit." It's all hearsay. If you don't know, Bigelow played at Penn and was a first round NBA draft choice. Kinda competitive.
A parent from the Deep South moved to Massachusetts and called the local youth football coach. "My son is seven and will be trying out for youth football. Could we get the playbook so we won't start off way behind?" In the Navy we called that SIE, syndrome of inappropriate enthusiasm. The coach explained, "we're teaching the basics here; there's no playbook for seven year olds."
Parents usually don't "stab you in the front." Other parents told the Mom that their kids learned nothing at practice. She rebutted, "I told them, I go to almost every practice and the coaches are teaching your kids a lot."
Inspire confidence. Every time his daughter would shoot, the Dad would yell, "nothing but net." She had excellent form but hit nothing but nothing. Airballs. I'll bet she became good, though.
The girl took her phone to a game in an affluent community. If you roll the windows down, the town smells like money. Her phone got stolen. Somehow, the opposing coach identified the perp and got the phone back. Class and money don't necessarily travel together.
The officials approached me before the game asking about being paid. I explained that I coach and the league pays the officials. They crucified us. The opposing coach came up to me after the first quarter and asked, "did you steal something from those guys?" Evidently.
When there's a girls' game before a boys, expect the boys to encroach the court before the game is over, even dribbling during the game. If I were leagues, I'd hire officials who were guards in Shawshank Redemption. Stop that stuff dead in its tracks. Asking coaches to tell their boys to respect the girls game would be my second choice.
One season, our kids upset a vastly superior team in the playoffs, more size, more skill. Act of God stuff. In the handshake line, their coach says, "we'd have beaten you if we made any shots." Write that down; feel free to use it.
I respect the parents in Hoosiers. They warn the coach that they won't accept any nonsense from outsiders. They even vote him out. But then Jimmy comes in and ruins it, "I play, Coach stays. He goes, I go." Grandma says, "I think we should vote again." I had Grandma on speed dial.
The referee warns the coach, "Cross that line again and you're gone." The coach stacks the girls' gym bags at the line so he can't cross the line.
Money talks. A state "Coach of the Year" at a private school told me he got fired because a moneyed parent paid off the administration to dump him. As Jim Bouton wrote, "I'm Glad You Didn't Take It Personally."
"Never enough." We're losing a playoff game by fifteen with about 2:30 left. I substitute in the deep reserves. The other coach full court presses and has his kids shooting threes down the stretch. Seriously? Remember Helen Mirren's success advice. "First, always be on time. Second, don't be an a*hole."
The worst part. I've got a few even more brutal stories.
Lagniappe. Thoughts from Gordon Hayward.
A couple of mine:
- Secure the ball
- Look ahead and see the defenders (protect the ball)
- Ideally, receiver has back to the sideline and sees the whole floor
- When passing, don't "lollipop" the pass
- When it goes well, the second pass crosses half court.