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Saturday, May 23, 2026

Basketball Lessons from Rommel

The long offseason provides many opportunities to explore the intersection of sport and history.

One of the great 'commanders' of over a century ago was Field Marshall Erwin Rommel, a master of tank warfare. His book, "Infantry Attacks" remains relevant to both military and sports today. 

Rommel’s Infantry Attacks is not a book about weapons. It’s a book about decision-making under stress, small-unit leadership, and how advantage is created when conditions are chaotic.

That makes it relevant to basketball.

Rommel commanded at the point of contact. He was a legendary observer and note-taker. He valued initiative and speed over perfection. His lessons translate well to a game decided by elite decisions and execution. 

1. Initiative Beats Instructions

“Opportunities are fleeting. Whoever acts first often wins.”

Rommel emphasized junior officers acting without waiting for orders. Delay, he believed, was often fatal.

Basketball rewards the same mindset.

  • Top defenses attack.
  • Top playmakers seize initiative.
  • Excellent teams find in-game solutions.

Over-coached teams hesitate. Decisiveness shows up as initiative. Practice should create players who act decisively, not players waiting to be told.

Lesson: Consider Drake Maye's game-clinching bootleg to send the Patriots to the Super Bowl. Trained spontaneity...

2. Speed Creates Advantage

Movement confuses opponents more than strength.

Rommel prized rapid movement to dislocate defenders mentally before overwhelming them physically.

In basketball:

  • Transition beats disorganized defense
  • Transition creates easy shots
  • Tempo forces defensive mistakes

Speed creates advantage. It’s pressure applied before the opponent is ready. Teams that play faster than opponents think gain free points without superior talent.

Quote: "Speed kills."

3. Surprise Is a Force Multiplier

Predictability invites resistance.

Rommel repeatedly attacked where he wasn’t expected - not where doctrine suggested.

Basketball equivalents:

  • Use hard to defend actions (simple and complex screens, urgent cutting)
  • Find opponent weaknesses
  • Unexpected drives

Surprise isn’t trickery. It creates the unexpected. Once a team relaxes into pattern recognition, it’s already late.

Lesson: "Utilize strengths, attack weaknesses." - Sun Tzu

4. Reconnaissance Is Continuous

Observation never stops.

Rommel constantly gathered information - terrain, morale, reactions -during action, not before it.

Great basketball teams scout while playing:

  • Which players succumb to pressure?
  • Which players turn the ball over?
  • Which players take undisciplined shots?

Great teams find edges by attacking weaker opponents. 

Quote: "Find the fish." 

5. Exploit Weakness, Don’t Argue with Strength

Attack where resistance is lightest.

Rommel avoided frontal assaults whenever possible. He looked for gaps.

In basketball:

  • Attack poor defenders
  • Take advantage of poor rebounders
  • Create edges in high stakes situations

This isn’t unfair. It’s efficiency.

Winning teams are superior as they apply pressure where it works.

6. Decentralized Leadership Wins

The front line knows more than headquarters. Rommel trusted subordinates to adapt in an early version of Commander's Intent.

Basketball principles worth understanding:

  • Point guards (or point forwards) initiate the attack
  • Shutdown defenders create advantage
  • Captains set the emotional tone

A coach cannot dictate each possession. Teams succeed when leadership is distributed, not concentrated.

7. Morale Is Tactical

Psychology shapes outcomes.

Rommel understood that confidence, fear, and momentum mattered as much as positioning.

In basketball:

  • More possessions create an edge for talented teams.
  • Physical play intimidates many teams.
  • Body language demonstrates a team's attitude.

Morale and "soft skills" build edges and illustrate a competitive variable.

Teams that protect each other emotionally last longer under stress.

8. Simple Plans, Executed Aggressively

Complexity collapses under pressure.

Rommel favored clear objectives and direct execution.

Basketball agrees:

  • Some teams collapse under pressure.
  • Varying defenses can create momentary confusion.
  • Better options, not more options, often carries the day. 

Clarity frees players to play hard. Under pressure, athletes revert to habits and sink to the level of their training. 

Summary:

Infantry Attacks is not about war. It’s about human performance when uncertainty is high and time is short.

Teams need:

  • Initiative
  • Speed
  • Observation 
  • Simplicity
  • Emotional stability

Rommel reminds us that advantage often comes not from power, but from clarity applied early.

Lagniappe. The NBA is losing credibility. 

Lagniappe 2. As a player, what do you want?  

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Friday, May 22, 2026

Coaching - Claims, Examples, Explanations, and Outcomes

Sometimes coaching is checkers and sometimes it's more of a chess match. Making arguments often involves making a claim, giving examples, and providing explanations. Sometimes it works out; sometimes it doesn't. 

CLAIM: Presume that our opposing coach has both competence and character and plan accordingly.

EXAMPLE: During "high stress" game situations, ask "what would I do in that situation?" 

EXPLANATION: Leading by one with possession out of bounds with five seconds. 

  • Expect full pressure.
  • Anticipate switch everything and early foul (sc 
  • Inbound away from our basket to a player who has decent hands and is a decent shooter. 
  • Instruct players DO NOT FOUL. 
  • If the ball is stolen, it will require the opposition to score almost the full length of the court with only a few seconds. 
OUTCOME: ball was stolen in the deep corner and time expired before opponent got a final shot. 

CLAIM: Anticipate opponent likely course of action to win a possession. 

EXAMPLE: How will opponent try to score close and late? 

EXPLANATION: Final possession of half, opponent ball, sidelines out of bounds. Good ballhandling team, best player the point guard, not especially good shooters. 
  • Anticipate action going to the basket.
  • Counseled players not to foul. 
  • Advised expectation of high ball screen. 
  • Suggest take away the drive.  
  • PnR defense - blitz the driver. 
  • Advise closest lower defenders (filled corners) to help on the roller.
OUTCOME: Ball handler picks up the dribble. No shot available. 

CLAIM: Get the ball out of the opponent's best player's hands. 

EXAMPLE: How to limit superstar player? 

EXPLANATION: Opposing (middle school) team was averaging over 60 points per game with a guard scoring in the thirties. They also had enough height to cause problems for us...keeping us from scoring inside. Played a modified triangle and two, trying to deny the guard the ball and rolling the other guard to double her any time she got within shooting range. 

OUTCOME: Held the opponent to low 40s but we couldn't get much inside offense (probably 15 missed or blocked layups) and lost by about 17. 

CLAIM: Break the pattern and play our best player more (playoff game)

EXAMPLE: The "border war" rival had beaten us in mostly close games seven times in three years (0-7).

EXPLANATION: Partly we struggled against a certain SLOB they used, but they often went on runs with Cecilia out...as she was our primary rim protection. 

OUTCOME: With Cecilia playing 80 percent of the game instead of 60 percent, our defense held up better and we won by three. 

Winning is desired but not the sole reason to play in development. Teaching and playing by principles provides some balance but won't make everyone happy. 

Lagniappe. Captaincy accountability...  

Lagniappe 2. No comment about his personnel changes... 

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Thursday, May 21, 2026

Basketball - Comeback Lines and More



Toughness is a skill that transfers to school, business, and sports. Develop stories for complex situations. When possible, steal lines where appropriate.

A group's woman leader was in trouble. Her mostly male assistants discussed the situation.

Person A: "I suppose the right thing to do in this situation is stay out of it."

Person B: "So, what's your idea?" 

Sometimes a team struggles. Brad Stevens asks, "What does my team need now?" In Upton Sinclair's classic, The Jungle, the hero's answer for everything was "I will work harder." That's wearing 'blinders'. A good answer comes from the East:

"Chop wood, carry water." Stick to the fundamentals. Excellence follows doing the ordinary with extraordinary consistency. 

Charlie Jones covered the 1996 Olympics in Atlanta - rowing, canoeing, and kayaking. With the distant venue he felt left out. He learned how the Olympic crew team ignored factors like rain or water conditions. An oarsman's quote became the title of his book, "That's outside my boat." Take care of your business within the team. Some say, "Keep your cards close to the vest."

Coaches care about everyone on the team. That doesn't mean that they treat every player exactly the same. Red Auerbach made an agreement with legendary Bill Russell that Red could yell at him at practice. Russell also could take a practice off when he needed to. Miami Heat coach Erik Spoelstra said it another way, "There is always a pecking order."

Bruce Jenner won the Olympic gold medal in decathlon in 1976, setting a World Record. During Pulmonary medical training, instructors taught us the elements of the "Bruce Jenner Protocol," what it takes to be your best. 

  • Exercise (training) 
  • Rest (sleep and recovery)
  • Nutrition (protein) 
  • Medication (or supplements)
  • Motivation (Gold Medal or other reason to achieve)
Former five time NBA Champion coach Gregg Popovich discussed the metaphor of breaking a giant rock. He said that it might take a hundred hits before the boulder split. He explained to players, "You can't skip steps" and "pound the rock."

Gino Auriemma's future "four-peat" National Champions (UCONN Women's basketball) started practice with two laps around the Gampel Pavilion. Every player navigated the full perimeter of the court without stepping within the boundaries. The unspoken message was clear, "Champions don't cut corners." 

Simplicity rules. Years ago we attended a Celtics' practice at the Waltham training center. Brad Stevens spoke with Ellen, who explained that she was a rocket scientist. Stevens explained, "Well, basketball isn't rocket science." Keep decisions simple whenever possible because although a thinking person's sport, keep it simple. 

Comebacks. Unfair criticism is...well, unfair. Remember this. "Dogs don't bark at parked cars."

Lagniappe. Learning is vital. 

“Don't be on your deathbed someday, having squandered your one chance at life, full of regret because you pursued little distractions instead of big dreams.” - Derek Sivers


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Wednesday, May 20, 2026

Basketball Coaches Wear Many Hats

There aren't many phrases more insulting than, "Any idiot with a whistle can coach."

Wear our hats well. The chef's 'toque' informs the white, pleated hats. The hundred pleats represent a hundred ways to cook eggs.

More commonly, we think about wearing different hats not pleats. Here are a few.  

  • Life skills teaching 
  • Leadership and mentoring
  • Roster construction
  • Player development
  • Team development
  • Offensive strategy
  • Defensive strategy
  • Situational play
  • Game management
  • Sport-specific IQ development, video study
  • Strength and conditioning
  • Motivation and resilience
  • Mental health
  • Coaching staff development
  • Public relations
  • Liaison with parents, boosters, fundraisers
In this podcast, Coach Earnshaw lumps these together as structure, skillset, and mindset...listen when you have an hour. 

He also looks at energy, resources, and accountability. As a player, it's a breakthrough when you understand how you complete the puzzle. The best players need small amounts of motivation because they have an abundance of intrinsic motivation. 

Invisibles include "connection, trust, confidence." The best coaches see the invisible...and recognize what's important for both the team and an individual player. 

Among leaders, what are your strengths and needs? Captains have to be willing to embrace coaching as the standard and to radiate that over the squad. 

"Gen Z" athletes, because they want to "understand the why," have to embrace the solutions. 

Leadership Types
Medic - cares for people
Warrior - leads by example
Magician - solves problems

Identity. Who are we? What's our story? 

Purpose. Why are we here? What are our values?

Execution. How will we play? How will we win? 

The model is always evolving. "The best coaches are experimenting all the time." The court is our laboratory. 

What does physicality mean to you? A player like Sabine is physical in a different way than Danni, but I consider both "physical players." 

Excellent players think and solve problems, but don't allow thinking to get in the way of executing. They don't get paralysis by analysis. 

Don't let tactics get in the way of intangibles. There are no "great coaches" who only wage sport via intangibles. Creating advantage includes tactical excellence, too. 


If you have ambition to coach someday, the podcast is worth hearing. Have a "growth process" for each of the elements of the stool (borrowed from my volleyball blog).


Players and teams need to know where they stand...and framing that narrative in the ecosystem of both ego and dependence is a tough job.

Lagniappe. Don't be the Complaint Department. 
Lagniappe 2. Do the work. 








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Tuesday, May 19, 2026

Basketball - Defensive Truths

Watching the Thunder-Spurs reminds basketball 'people' that defense is not an afterthought for teams with championship aspirations. 

"We hold these truths to be self-evident:"

Stops Start with Ball Pressure

Players are so good that defense can't allow 'early advantage'. Excellent defenders understand that they will get beaten sometimes.

Attack Mentality

In the words of Dr. Fergus Connolly, "don't bring a gun to a gunfight." Bring more. 

Harder for Longer

Excellence demands winning more possessions. Theory says, "No easy baskets" where reality means "fewer easy baskets." 

Foul Intelligently

Foul strategically. Take away advantage and never convert disadvantage (late clock, off-balance shots, bad shooters, threes) into easy shots from the line.

Power of Negative Thinking

"Basketball is a game of mistakes." Missed assignments are unacceptable as is lack of communication. 

Symmetry

Newell's advice was "get more and better shots than opponents." The corollary is to allow fewer and worse shots than yours.

Shrink Space

Chuck Daly's quote, "Offense is spacing and spacing is offense" means that "Defense shrinks space." Players should drop to the level of the ball and load to the ball. 

"Contestedness"

Billy Donovan tells players to be aware of contestedness. Challenged shots are lower percentage shots. Wemby redefines rim protection with his length.

Reduce Pass Quality Pete Carril shares that the "quality of the shot depends on the quality of the pass." Teams that pressure passers reduce shot quality. 

Talk

You won't find good defenses that don't talk. "Silent teams lose." It starts in practice.

Lagniappe. The "little things are big things." 

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Monday, May 18, 2026

Basketball Originality

"Imagination is more important than information." - Einstein

Celebrate your originality. Be different to make a difference. What allows you to create sustainable competitive advantage. 


Graphic created using ChatGPT Plus

To get started, think of examples of how coaches made a difference through original thinking. 

Don Meyer had a marvelous website where he shared a wealth of basketball philosophy and knowledge...and took questions. He coached in the public domain. 

John Wooden has his Pyramid of Success. I used to print it out, laminate and distribute to players. One mother shared how her daughter looked at it and brought it to school every day in her gym bag...becoming a three-sport captain in high school. Later she graduated from Annapolis and served as a Naval officer. 

Dean Smith was a mathematics major. He developed his "Passing Game" offense and his 'delay offense', the Four Corners, famously associated with Phil Ford for us old timers. He was into 'analytics' before it became mainstream, emphasizing points per possession. He sometimes ran practices with "shot quality scoring" - assigning different points for layups, open and covered shots, and turnovers. 

Nolan Richardson's Razorbacks established a brand, playing "40 Minutes of Hell" and my kind of basketball. Coaches create legacy when they are able to translate their personality into their team's play. Identity relates the ability of individuals to blend their talents into collective excellence. 


Age conveys few advantages. One is the perspective of time, and the understanding of the values of faith and patience, flanking the peak of Wooden's "pyramid." How do you leverage persistence into performance? Sometimes teams win because they have the will to play "harder for longer." Bill Walsh said that, "Champions behave like champions before they are champions." Does our team do that? 


Lagniappe. Whether it's business, education, or the trades, success follows finding solutions. 
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Sunday, May 17, 2026

Basketball - "Identity Crisis"


"Good artists borrow; great artists steal." - Picasso

Coach Steve Collins asks a great question. Everybody says "we're about mental toughness, execution, and identity." But are we? 

When the game is on the line, what behaviors show up? 

  • Quality shots or "me, too" shots 
  • Intensity or submaximal defensive effort 
  • "The ball is gold" or turnovers
  • Locked in mindset or mental mistakes (e.g. missed assignments)
  • Toughness or wilting under pressure
Sustaining Excellence

A more inclusive question is do our teams sustain focus, intensity, and discipline throughout the entirety of practice? 
  • Who's "all in" as "full tilt, full time?" 
  • "Who cheats the drill?"
  • "Who is coachable, working to follow directions?"
  • Who are the alphas dragging everyone higher? 
  • Do we have that "foxhole mentality" that binds us inseparably? 
End State or End of Practice?

In military operations (or ideally in any project), both leaders and followers should have clarity on "how the end will look." Initial operations often are met with resistance or delay ("the enemy gets a vote"). Operators need to have "Commander's Intent" about "intermediate steps." 

Clarity of Vision and Purpose

Teams reflect the personality, teaching, and effectiveness of leadership. 
Clear philosophy is necessary. Belichickian principles are clear:
  1. Know your job.
  2. Do your job. 
  3. Work hard. 
  4. Put the team first. 
Gen Z Asks "Why?" Clarity and Directness 
  • "Win this possession." Each game is a sum of individual actions.
  • "Play harder for longer." Finish stronger than opponents.
  • "Specials" - with players physically and mentally tired, we finished practice with "Specials" also known as "O-D-O" or "Three possession games." Each O-D-O would start with a BOB, SLOB, ATO, or free throw. Players understood that to succeed in highly contested games (close and late), they needed good decisions and execution. 
Lagniappe. "Soft skills" aren't soft. 



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Saturday, May 16, 2026

Basketball - Commencement and Basketball Lessons

The bar for what passes as wisdom has fallen. Eric Church shares his philosophy, derived from the six stings on his guitar. 

1. Faith 

"Your faith is the low E of your life." 

John Wooden has "FAITH" flanking the top of his Pyramid of Success. Church encourages us to tend to our beliefs...reminiscent of Voltaire telling readers to "tend to their garden." 

2. Family

"It gives a chord its body."

"Family will rarely demand your time...call your people...let them see you when life is hard."

3. Spouse

"The person you choose to share your life with is the most important decision in your life." 

They amplify the strings or take your instrument apart. "Look for shared values over shared interests."

4. Ambition

"Ambition and resilience live on this string." They pull in opposite directions. 

"The world breaks everyone." - Hemingway  We all fail. Remember that ambitious givers do best. 

5. Community

"Temptation to perform for everyone and to belong to no one."  Put down roots and know those around you. "These are my people."

"Generosity...is how you make it." Take your community along.

6. You

The final string is the thinnest and most easily broken. The comments, criticism, or opinion of others should not change you. 

You are an 'original'. Make your story great. 

All strings will drift. Choose to make music not noise. You need to keep your life tuned. 

When I think of Carolina basketball...lots of memories surface.  

  • Dean Smith - pioneer, integrated the ACC, shot quality scoring, run-and-jump, unselfish enough to send Michael Jordan away to the NBA early. "The only man to hold Jordan under 20 points per game. 
  • "Four corners" - the signature delay game but works standalone
  • Phil Ford - the maestro of the Four Corners and architect of "Dean Smith time..." set your watch ahead ten minutes.
  • Charlie Scott...integrated the ACC and played on a Celtics NBA championship team. 
  • Carolina rallied from eight down in the final eighteen seconds to tie Duke and then won in overtime. 
Lagniappe. An underappreciated skill - pivoting. Pivoting helps "the art of separation." 

Lagniappe 2. The experience, not winning, promotes keeping kids in sports. 

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Friday, May 15, 2026

Basketball - Lessons from Stockdale

"It matters not how strait the gait,

How charged with punishment the scroll,

I am the master of my fate:

The captain of my soul."

- Ernest Henley, Invictus


Future Admiral James Stockdale was shot down over North Vietnam in 1965 and spent about 7 1/2 years as a POW, much of it in solitary confinement ("cold soaks"). He wrote about his experiences in Courage Under Fire. 

He has a length education in Stoicism while a postgraduate student at Stanford and shared how Stoicism helped him cope with torture and incarceration. 

Many of his lessons came from the slave Epictetus who preached a curriculum "not about revenues or income, or peace or war, but about happiness and unhappiness, success and failure, slavery and freedom." 

The lessons pertain in sports, in which many athletes have adopted Stoicism and "control what you can control." Athletes can't control their opponent, conditions, officiating, injuries and fatigue. 

Jay Wright's emphasis on attitude relate to that approach and broadcast Charlie Jones wrote about control extensively in "That's Outside My Boat, Letting Go of What You Can't Control." 

Stockdale wrote, "You can only be a "victim" of yourself. It's all in how you discipline your mind." He also wrote that "it is those things that are "within his power" and those things that are "beyond his power." 

Athletes control their study, skill development, strength and conditioning, and self-maintenance of disciplined recovery, sleep, nutrition, and hydration. They also control in-game decision-making, communication, effort, and how their play impacts both the game and teammates. 

Epictetus wrote, "Everybody should play the game of life - that the best play it with "skill, form, speed, and grace." He emphasized that although what we control is limited, we have full control of how we respond. Lack of humility, poor sportsmanship, and selfishness are within our domain. He added, "Lameness is an impediment to the leg, but not to the Will." 

Stockdale concludes that, "Controlling your emotions is difficult but can be empowering."

Many key lessons from great coaches reflect Stoic principles:

1. "Basketball is sharing." - Phil Jackson    Sharing is a choice. 

2. "A lion never roars after a kill." - Dean Smith   Humility is a choice. 

3. "It's not your shot; it's our shot." - Jay Bilas    Teamwork is choice. 

Mental toughness decides games. Set the example for our players - mental toughness always and excuses never. 

Lagniappe. Mark Few and his staff invest in "Personal Growth Mondays." 


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Thursday, May 14, 2026

It's Basketball Jeopardy...

Almost everyone loves "Jeopardy." Images or answers are used to test or to teach. Remember, your answers should be in the form of a question.  


Lagniappe. Trust the instincts of great leaders. 

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Wednesday, May 13, 2026

Basketball - Resonant

"Impossible is a word only found in the dictionary of fools." - Young Sherlock Holmes

Coaches have no magic words - only helpful ones that encourage remembering concepts. Find a few to make your own. "It takes patience to elevate the humble but motivated player." 

There are no more powerful lessons than losses. 

“Turnovers kill dreams.”
— recurring basketball principle emphasizing possession value. An extension of one of the Four Factors. Excellent teams do not give away games. 

“Scores and stops.”
— concise framing of winning possessions and productive players. Another phrase encompasses, "Stops make runs." Still another version uses 3-7-2, three consecutive stops (a kill), seven times per half, for two halves. You can't succeed by playing "one end" of the court. 
 
“Every day is player development day.” - Dave Smart
— encapsulates core developmental philosophy. Talent is king. Don Meyer's question was, "Do you want two better plays or two better plays?" Every excellent player needs individual attention. 
 
“The Standard is the Standard.”
— cultural expectation independent of roster/year. "Legacy programs" leave the organization in a better place. Without values and standards, sustained success is impossible. 

“Coaches don’t set lineups. Players do.”
— Seek socially portable lines. Players conveniently hold coaches responsible for shortcomings. Reality is Bill Parcells' "Coaches are the most selfish people in the world, wanting players that make us look good." Charles Barkley asked, "What is your NBA skill?" What gets you minutes, role, and recognition? 

“Discipline determines destiny.”
— What is our foul-discipline?. Fouls often convert opponent possessions to high points per possession chances. Don't convert a bad opponent possession into free throws. 

“Don’t give away points.”
— Possession efficiency is king. So many games reveal themselves as one team scoring "easily" and the opponent struggling. There is but one outcome to these. 

“The game reveals itself to those who study.”
— A teaching/scouting ethos shows up on the court. The teams that do not learn from mistakes are consigned to the scrapheap of history. When players have little "situational experience" they make hesitant or poor decisions.
“Production is the scorecard.”
— Meritocracy/performance show up on the scoreboard. Making others around a player better won't always in the scorebook. Screening, blocking out, getting 50-50 balls, help and recover defense, communication, and other vital skills only matter to winning. 
“The best players make the team.”
— This is not a union job. “There is no seniority system.” Who is most hurt by politics? Players. 
“Basketball is sharing.” - Phil Jackson
— This integrates into every coach's teaching language and framing. Wooden said, "Happiness begins where selfishness ends." It dovetails with the "Deadly S's" that destroy teams - selfishness, softness, and sloth (laziness). 
“Put people in position to succeed.”
— Leaders create leaders" and "Results reflect leadership. An old quote says, "An army of asses led by a lion can defeat an army of lions led by an ass." 
“Leading isn’t about getting our way, but finding the best way.”
— This reflects principles of many coaches, especially Bill Walsh. Finding better ways often accompanies excavation - reading, study, watching clinics, or attending another coach's practice. 

“If it looks like a foul, officials will call it."
- Certain actions don't always foul but will get called. Reaching in, hacking down (especially blocking shots), and bodying opponents gets attention - not in a good way. 

Players may say, "I know, I know" after making mistakes. If they know, then why continually repeat them - bad shots, missed assignments, driving or passing into traffic? This saying applies - "One mistake, bad play. Two mistakes, bad player. Three mistakes, bad coaching." 

Lagniappe. "Pain is pain." 
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Tuesday, May 12, 2026

Basketball - The Science of Connection*

*Information adapted from Amir Levine's MasterClass on connection. Although designed for "relationships," there's obvious overlap with coaching.  

"Never be a child's last coach." 

Everyone wants safety and security in life. 

Coping strategies impact our physical and mental performance. And it's not a plea for equal playing time, but attention to psychology. 

Some readers will just say, "BS, I'm out." Others seeking higher performance teams, read on. 

Connection Strategies

Connection begins before we're verbal...as studies have shown parent-child interactions vary greatly during early life.  

Major strategies are:

  • Security (about half of people)
  • Avoidance (a quarter)
  • Anxiety (another quarter) 
Science: Brain volume versus energy

The brain comprises about two percent of our mass but consumes 20 percent of our energy. The brain isn't good at shifting from "vigilance" (safety) energy use to "creativity and performance" in the prefrontal cortex. 

Scientists learned that test subjects perform better (consume less energy) when performing hard tasks with trusted contacts than with strangers. 

Sports application: Teamwork saves energy.

Exclusion - The Cyberball Experiment

Serious adverse effects also occur with social exclusion. 


Screenshot from MasterClass (highly recommended)

When one player becomes excluded, brain imaging shows enhanced areas related to pain, distress, and self-scrutiny light up. People sense loss of control and reduced self-esteem. "Why aren't they passing to me?" You're not sensitive, you're human. 

Examples

It shows up with relationship changes with a new pet, a new baby, or in sports, with new teammates and role changes. Being consistent, available, and responsive reduce those feelings.

Sports: minutes or role reduction can result in players acting out.  

Still Face Experiment

You can have exclusion with only two people. If a mother and baby are filmed and interacting normal, there's attention and smiling. When the mother is asked to turn around and turn back with a still face...there is a dramatic change. Distress occurs, agitation, and then crying. When the mother repeats the sequence and re-engages, distress resolves.  

When coaches stop coaching a player, "putting her in the doghouse," taking away reps or playing time, the same psychological response occurs. This is the coaching version of "ghosting." The "relationship homeostasis" gets disrupted.

Sports application: Secure people do not usually "ghost." Coaches with big doghouses usually have their own issues. 

The Need for Closure

This is a form of the brain trying to maintain connection. The "Need for Closure" is in a sense, a trick of our brain trying to keep a relationship alive. T. Swift sang about this: 

Maintaining and Improving Connection

Author Amir Levine advises 'hyperinclusion'. Small interactions, availability, and "coaching" re-establish safety. He advises CAARP - 


Levine advises forming a "Secure Village," because it's unreasonable to expect one person to meet all our emotional needs. Within a team, assistants, captains, and teammates all fill valuable roles. 

Sports: Create a culture of inclusion. 

Practical Strategies

  • Greet every player daily. Small but inclusive. This helps 'dial down' the detachment alarm system. 
  • Explain that playing time is not equal to value. The reserve player who works to improve, competes at all times, and is never a distraction adds value. 
  • Avoid figurative or literal 'ghosting'. Close the doghouse. 
  • Team building activities like group reading.
  • Open communication lines. Reminders about networking (don't hesitate to ask for letters of recommendation).
  • Recognize reserves. Dean Smith made it a point to credit role players who impacted winning. Stars always get noticed.     

The "safety bubble" coaches create helps our physical, immune, and emotional status by stress reduction. 

As coaches, we want to either "turn off" or "turn down" the alarm system that changes in player status or relationships can project. Fear consumes bandwidth and connection frees it.

Players play best when correction does not threaten connection.

Summary: 

  • Relationships are complex. We seek safety and security and can fall short with avoidance or anxiety. 
  • Experiments validate this with either the Cyberball Experiment or Still Face Experiment, where figurative "ghosting" occurs. 
  • Exclusion produces predictable angst and loss of self-esteem.
  • Healthier connections result in better physical and emotional health.
  • Relationship awareness and CARRP can "tone down" emotional alarms. 
Lagniappe. (Via AI)

Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment: First published in 2010 and translated into over 42 languages, the book has sold more than 3 million copies and offers a framework for understanding why relationships succeed or fail based on three distinct attachment styles:

  • Secure: Individuals who are comfortable with intimacy, warm, and loving. 

  • Anxious: Individuals who are often preoccupied with their relationships and worry about their partner’s ability to love them back. 
  • Avoidant: Individuals who equate intimacy with a loss of independence and constantly try to minimize closeness. 
Lagniappe 2. Set the example. 

Lagniappe 3. Dean Smith on 1-on-1 meetings with players. 

 

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