Everyone takes criticism. "Nobody is right all the time and a broken clock is right twice a day."
Consider intent. Critics may intend us harm, help us see an issue in a fresh way, or seek to improve us. In a world of black and white, work to see gray. Our perception can reflect incomplete or wrong information.
As a medical student, an intern told me, "you have to speak up more." That was among the most valuable advice I ever got.
Imagine an audition for a job or a part in a play. To show our best version, know what the evaluator wants. Youthful Halle Berry auditioned for Spike Lee's Jungle Fever. Lee sent her home for a makeunder to look worse for a part as a drug-addled prostitute. On her fifth appearance, she got the part.
House Speaker John McCormack held everyone in "high regard." But he held some opponents in "minimal high regard."
We should ignores some critics. In Ball Four (1970), Jim Bouton has a famous line, "consider the source." We can't take every criticism seriously.
In The Four Agreements, Don Miguel Ruiz advises: always do your best, never make assumptions, be impeccable with our word, and don't take things personally. It's hard. "Agreements" is ostensibly Tom Brady's favorite book. Yet, taking umbrage at his draft status fueled his career. Irony, as GOAT status occurred because he took it personally.
Craft ways to separate stimulus and response. Give ourselves space to react thoughtfully to events or criticism. We've talked about Lincoln's "Hot Letters" ("never signed, never sent") and the "24 hour rule" to delay responding to attacks. It's near impossible to be our best while taking things personally. Unless we're Tom Brady.
Not everyone agrees. Colonel John Boyd pioneered the OODA loop training fighter pilots. Observe-orient-decide-act. Some politicians respond immediately with hellfire looking for a tactical advantage. But immediate responses show emotional fire with little nuance. Reflexive response won't cultivate longer-term relationships with players and families.
Director Mira Nair opined that "you need the soul of a poet and the hide of an element." But if we're too thick-skinned we may shut out feelings.
Choosing the right words helps. There's a difference between, "that was good BUT you could try this" versus, "that was good AND you could try this."
John Wooden dispensed criticism sandwiching it between positives. That's one approach. Rod Olson favored "speaking greatness" to build a legacy. And Jon Gordon's Positive Dog shared the benefits of positivity. Among the benefits are connection to others, stronger immune function, and elevated levels of testosterone and reduced stress hormones. Science argues that planting positivity has measurable benefits.
Lagniappe. Handling criticism better gets lampooned in reality and literature. In Voltaire's French philosophical novel Candide, Dr. Pangloss is satirized for his belief that "all is for the best in the best of all possible worlds."
Ted Lasso is a contemporary Dr. Pangloss as an incurable optimist with a failing team and marriage on the rocks. But there's a method to his madness.
Summary:
- Take criticism seriously but not personally.
- Critics may intend harm, education, or motivation.
- Nobody is right all the time.
- Know what the evaluator wants.
- "Consider the source."
- Reflexive response to criticism usually won't bring out our best.
- Learn to increase response time from criticism.
Here are some notes on taking criticism from a famous American. I won't reveal the source because for many, it will poison the message.
Lagniappe 2. A fistful of Brian Scalabrine analysis on point (Celtics - Knicks)
"Be selective with help." Don't give an edge to the open player.
"Get calls by getting your shoulder past the defender." If the defender is in front of you, officials less likely to make calls.
"Celtics average team speed 29th in NBA" (source)
"The officials are letting them play. With tight defense, drives will require more force."
(Observation: Schroder (not Tatum) layup with speed off double high horns ball screen.)
"Use the space."
Not sure whether Tom Thibodeau wanted help off the corner 3.
Scalabrine asked rhetorically, "why can't they play like this (ball movement and player movement all the time?" I suspect that the inner struggle to get enough touches, enough shots, enough numbers is the answer.
Lagniappe 3. Player development key from Dr. Fergus Connolly
