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Saturday, September 10, 2022

Basketball Boundaries - Vital and Vulnerable

To paraphrase Steve Martin, there are two ways to get your stuff out there, 1) write great stuff and 2) already be famous. "I'm screwed." 

Boundaries contain our thoughts, feelings, and behavior during relationships. Whether we think about it or not, we have boundaries. They may be subtle, but others know 'appropriate' behavior. Know where you're approaching lines. 

Hard conversations about roles, minutes, and behaviors tests those boundaries. Always involve another adult in those conversations. Separate bad choices from bad character. A player's bad court decision doesn't entitle the coach to throw her under the bus, calling the player 'worthless' or 'useless'. Be the adult. 

Suffering is the price of love. That includes grief and disappointment about how a player is playing or when not playing. Providing a chance for one player may get seen as stealing it from another. 

If we set expectations and boundaries for players (commitment, character, studies, chemical health), then stick to them as leaders. 

Educational boundaries exist. In secular institutions, coaches teach basketball and life, but not religion and politics. Those boundaries keep us out of parental domains. But we own teaching equality and sportsmanship. 

Where do the boundaries exist? At extremes, they include indifference or violation.

Relationships have boundaries at home, at work, and at play. 

What are our boundaries at work? Once, they were more rigid; often they are more casual. 
  • Do we comment on a coworker's appearance? "That's a great suit, Jack." 
  • Do we share our personal lives at work? If so, how much? 
  • Develop emotional intelligence to recognize others' boundaries.
  • Boundaries evolve. Rigid and flexible boundaries are part of life. 
What additional boundaries come into play in coaching?
  • Weight. Learn about eating disorders. Emphasize health, good nutrition, and conditioning over weight. Do not have weigh-ins. "Stay calm and BE INTENTIONAL about what you say to them. I am here. I am concerned. You are not alone. You can trust me. These statements are what I heard consistently. And yes, be concerned, but do not turn them into “the team freak” that is struggling." 
  • Attitudes. Positive and negative boundaries exist...truth without assault.
  • Strategy discussions aren't in parents' domain.
  • Commenting about other players with a parent is unwise. "Susie has improved a lot," seems innocent enough. But Joan's parent may see it as dismissive of her, thinking "Coach is disrespecting Joan." 
 
"Reflect on our boundaries...where one entity starts and another stops."


Screenshot from Esther Perel, MasterClass, Relationship Intelligence

Lagniappe. DHO, Stagger into mid-range. 
Lagniappe 2. Great players want coaching. 
Lagniappe 3. Be open to new possibilities. Unscoutable. 















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