I had a pre-practice session with my team asking them about the meaning of 'validation'. After explaining that it meant the need for recognition of their value or worth, I suggested that our validation should come from within.
When we have the right attitude, process (good choices), and effort (work ethic), validation from others is superfluous.
I knew a young woman who was bright (Ivy League graduate), talented, and attractive, yet could never get enough attention. It lead her to bad choices, including 'cutting'.
Devoting time to seeking validation interferes with your work. Is it more important to 'be' or 'to do'? Obviously, for some, especially those with narcissism, being carries a higher order.
Narcissism in team sports can threaten team well-being. Narcissism creates conflict and is hard to remedy because the narcissistic player (or coach) doesn't see their attitude or behavior as a problem...when you look at the examples contained in the article, many had a fall from grace as a result of their violations of 'behavioral norms'.
Dr. Sam Vaknin notes, "Narcissists are liars. They misrepresent their credentials, knowledge, talents, skills, and achievements." The need for validation and performance can lead to unethical and fraudulent behavior, for example, use of performance enhancing drugs.
Finding balance in self-assessment leads to confidence, as opposed to extremes of fear or recklessness. Fear prevents players from functioning efficiently, while arrogance leads to selfish play and poor decision-making.
Addressing validation and narcissism in youth sports creates challenges. There's a story of a player who wouldn't pass. During a scrimmage, his coach pulled off his teammates and gave him the ball out of bounds. He then said, "now, play."
I think the proper message to send is, "the more you give, the more you get." Recognizing high effort, humble, unselfish players tends to produce more of the same. The 'star' players will always get their due, but giving recognition and getting contributions from all makes for the best player experience.
