"I'm a salesman." - Chuck Daly
Coaches are in sales. Often we are negotiators. We distribute roles, minutes, and praise. Why not expand our tools and improve our skills?
Former FBI hostage negotiator Chris Voss teaches Principles of Negotiation in his MasterClass. Here are tips from the MasterClass workbook. Let's use a framework of a player who shows the maturity to come and ask how they can contribute more.
Do all you can to show the other side that you are negotiating in good faith. "Thanks for stopping by, Susie. I'm interested to hear what you have to share."
Become genuinely interested in what drives the other side. Understand their goals, motivations, wants, and fears. "Coach, I'd like to contribute more. What can I work on in practice and games to add more value to the team?"
Build trust-based influence through the use of tactical empathy; deliberately influence the other side's feelings. Build rapport and mutual understanding. "I appreciate how you work to improve and support your teammates. And I'm thankful that you want to do more. Everyone should want to become more. Let me understand how you see your strengths and areas needing improvement."
Voss emphasizes that it's not just the message but the tone that matters. An assertive (my way or the highway) approach is "always counterproductive." He also favors approaches that accent positivity and defuse negative emotions.
Use MIRRORING to get negotiating partners to open up. "I'm not happy with my playing time." Response, "not happy with playing time?" Mirroring can collect information and improve rapport. "She's right, the time you put in is key. Some basketball players put in a lot of extra time during the offseason, in the gym, on other teams. But they don't play the whole game here, correct." "That's right. Nobody plays the whole game here." "And how would it make you feel in soccer if the coach played everyone the same when you're a committed player who puts in the time?" "I wouldn't like it. It wouldn't be fair."
Work to create an environment that produces the best outcome for both sides. "Use curiosity, deference, empathy, influence, positivity, and rapport to craft the best deal possible." "I understand that you're a strong soccer player. You must play a lot." "I never miss a chance to improve my skills. I work at soccer a lot and get a lot of playing time." (Mirroring) "A lot of playing time?" "I play a real lot. Sometimes I play the whole game." (Mirroring) "The whole game?" "Yes, the coach knows how much time I put in."
DYNAMIC SILENCE allows the negotiator to hear more from the negotiating partner. In medicine, we sometimes call that FACILITATION.
CALIBRATED QUESTIONS encourage your partner to see your side. "How am I supposed to do that?" For example, as Susie wants more minutes, asking how that will happen reminds her of the limited number of minutes available. "Tell me how you can get more minutes?" "I have to play better defense and cut down on turnovers." "I'm happy with your effort. And we track how everyone is doing, based on game film. You have potential and as you have more success, you can earn more time. I believe in you."
People need to be heard and feel valued. They may not be satisfied with their role. We shouldn't want them to be. But they need our attention and openness to changing situations.
Lagniappe: Samuel Davies summary of Never Split the Difference shares negotiation insight that you can use today.
Do you really want to use the word fair?
Labeling shows understanding.
Arrive with our negotiating partner at "that's right."
Lagniappe 2: TED Talk from Chris Voss discussing negotiation and "Dick Heart's Air." "The bad, the mad, and the sad are everywhere. They're us."
Lagniappe 3: Xs and Os - Basketball and Realtors ("Relocation, relocation, relocation")
Relocation for drivers can create opportunity for you.
