CJP (@CarlJPierson): Coach, thanks for asking my perspective.
RPS: Do you see the trajectory of the coach-parent relationship changing?
The short answer is "yes". The first evidence was a differing dynamic in the classroom. My first year as a teacher was the 1999-2000 school year. During my childhood and early years teaching, if a teacher reached out to a parent, the parents never questioned the teacher's competence or motive. The parent came down on the student for not getting homework turned in or for messing around in school.
That started to change in the mid-2000s. Parents defended their child no matter what the offense. Parents are trying to be "friends" to their kids instead of parents. For some reason, parents now advocate for their child in every circumstance. Certainly times arise for parents to "go to bat" for their kid, but I have witnessed too many outliers.
One of my colleagues just dealt with such a circumstance. He caught a student cheating on a test. He asked the student to step out into the hallway to limit the embarrassment of confrontation and for privacy. The student admitted cheating. But the parent demanded the grade not reflect any penalty, demanding to know what "evidence" the teacher had. The teacher refused to bend and the parent threatened to meet with the school administration. Our administration vigorously defended the teacher, but why the parent felt compelled to defend the indefensible represents what coaches face.
The proclivity of parents to advocate aggressively for their kids applies even more to athletics. Parents often make a greater financial and emotional investment into their child's athletics. The stakes are raised so much. A cultural parenting shift and the economic investment in club sports created a combustible coach/parent relationship over the past fifteen years.
RPS: Are there 'red flags' about a program/community that coaches should anticipate?
CJP: Absolutely. Before accepting a position at a school, find out how much turnover exists on the school's coaching staff in the past five to seven years. Coaches shouldn't just consider the frequency with which coaches have been replaced or moved on. If a school is quick to get rid of wrestling, volleyball, or soccer coaches they won't hesitate to pull the plug on a basketball coach.
What is the level of interest and investment in the community? A town that loves their team can make coaching rewarding, but it can create a climate where a coach is coaching for their job every year. If a coach is looking for longevity and lack of drama, find a school and community concerned with the choir's success or how the local college team is doing.
I outline other "red flags" in "The Politics of Coaching." Another worth noting is the booster club as sole funding source for your team or activity. Those situations tend to become hyper-political and toxic.
RPS: What helped you engage players and parents to mitigate problems?
CJP: I preach the virtues of the "open door policy" until blue in the face. My door is always open. Some coaches say "never talk to me about playing time". Others say that parents must wait until 24 hours after the game to reach out. My conversations with coaches from across the country taught me that helps coaches get a better night's sleep, but they do not promote longevity.
Players and parents get frustrated because they don't understand why certain decisions are made. If coaches can't explain or defend decisions they probably shouldn't be the deciders.
When a coach refuses to engage their questions or complaints, that does NOT mean the issue vanishes. They escalate to a higher authority, an AD or a school board member. When that happens, the coach has lost control of the situation. The coach is now at the mercy of the administrator.
I always encourage a coach to invite players and parents to come to them FIRST. I preface those encounters with the caveat that "I respect your role as a parent in looking out for the best interest of your child. Were you to do anything different you would be delinquent in your duties as a parent. I hope you respect that and understand that I advocate for the best interest of your child as often as possible. When the best interest of one player conflicts with what is best for the team, my first responsibility will always be to the team." There's the rub. Coaches don't have the luxury of looking out for only one kid.
The meetings between disgruntled parents and a coach seldom end with a hearty handshake and the parent saying "Wow, you've convinced me you're right." That is not the coach's goal. Often the best thing a coach can do, beyond explaining their decision, is to listen empathetically. Most of the anger goes away when the coach has explained the "why" and the parent has a chance to vent.
RPS: What should eighth graders/parents be aware of heading into high school?
CJP: Something few players and parents are prepared for when they advance is the idea that they now compete against older, higher level competition. Some expect that a kid will step in on varsity or at worst, junior varsity. This is something we've seen develop over the past fifteen years as well.
Why? Increased participation in club sports contributes to this misguided mentality. When kids play on "elite" club teams, egos get inflated. They start to believe they are as exceptional as the club's name.
Another factor the rising frosh see is that juniors and seniors are bigger, faster, and stronger. A legit star on your middle school team does not automatically translate to early impact on varsity.
Kids and their support system become disillusioned when they aren't on varsity right away. Participation numbers dip in many high school sports, partly when a kid doesn't earn "varsity" status, they quit the sport altogether.
Enjoy playing on the 9th grade team. Often the coach isn't playing the junior or senior because of "politics". They play because they make better decisions, are stronger and more skilled. Coaches want to win. They play the players that give them the best chance to do that. It's easier to assume a conspiracy rather than concede that your kid may not be ready to compete at the varsity level. Take off your tin foil hat and join us in the real world.
RPS: How could administrators help coaches cope with the societal problem of helicopter parenting?
CJP: Supportive administrators are worth their weight in gold. Let coaches know they aren't going to put much stock in angry emails about playing time or team selection.
But coaches need to inform administrators about their decisions. Let them know what is going on and why. Consistent communication between the AD and the coach is critical and part of the coach's responsibility.
For example, if a coach changes the starting lineup, call the AD. Let the administrator know what you are doing and why. This empowers the AD to support you when the angry email inevitably comes.
No administrator likes surprises. Keep them in the loop. That helps them put out fires.
Lagniappe: Great dialogue translates across domains. (Longmire)
Lagniappe 2: Brad Beal, Drew Hanlen, Unseen Hours
Lagniappe 3: The difference between want and work...
"Everybody wants to have a conference title. Everybody wants to be a captain. Everybody wants to be all-conference. Very few want to put in the work to make that happen."
- Coach Chuck Benda
Lagniappe 4: SLOB (Geronimo) Zipper Backscreen
