Coaching starts with better connection with our athletes, their families, and our assistants.
You Win in the Locker Room First by Mike Smith and Jon Gordon explores teamwork. "The more I have worked with teams over the years, the more I realize that a lack of connection between team members leads to below-average teamwork and sub-par performance and results...they have a bunch of young men or women who usually focus on themselves, their personal goals, their social media followings, and their egos. They also have family and friends telling them they should be playing more, scoring more, or getting more recognition. The message they receive from the world is that it’s all about the individual, not the team."
Note the triad of minutes, role, and ego at the heart of conflict. Defuse the tension by prioritizing teamwork and finding ways to recognize each player.
Set guidelines and say it better. Consider establishing a twenty-four hour delay rule after games to address complaints or criticism. Most coaches won't discuss strategy or teammates with a player's family. When discussing players, the "sandwich" technique puts areas for improvement in between positives. Exceptional parents put the team first and their child next.
Be transparent. Coaches decide how much access parents receive. Coaching girls, I favor full transparency, with parents welcome to attend pre- and post-game conferences and practices. Without secrets, most parents don't press oversight. Ideally, important messages to players about status, progress, or controversy occur with a second adult present.
Know boundaries. We coach basketball. Although examples across disciplines illustrate leadership or excellence, choose subjects carefully. We're not teaching religion or political science.
Be fair; fair is not always equal. In developmental basketball, all players need opportunity. That doesn't guarantee equal minutes or role. In over twenty years of coaching, I've had few players in the top one percent. Exceptional talents with extraordinary commitment earn more development.
Choose privacy over public criticism. Create physically and emotionally resilient athletes. Coaching is correction not criticism. The best athletes want coaching to improve. Public shaming serves little purpose and compromises relationships and buy-ins. Some coaches and top players agree to criticism (e.g. at practice), to show that even the best players are coached (e.g. Red Auerbach/Bill Russell).
Pictures are worth 1000 words. Video is the truth machine. Legendary women's soccer coach Anson Dorrance shows players positive highlights, believing women respond better to positive reinforcement. Psychologists agree. "I recommend watching at least 75% "highlight" videos of yourself playing well. Seeing and feeling your best performances allows your mind and body to absorb positive images and feelings."- Set guidelines.
- Be transparent.
- Know boundaries.
- Be fair.
- Choose privacy over public criticism.
- Pictures are worth 1000 words.
