Why does she add value? "She's a connector." Invest in yourself to influence subordinates, peers, and superiors. Master "Magic Words."
Don't "Reach out" to players; reach them.
Nouns versus verbs
Words matter. Which appeals to you?
- "Play harder. Play with force."
- "Competitors. Winners. Difference makers."
Success versus failure
Avoid failure words. I taught players, "can't" and "try" are failure words. "Show me you can and you will."
Ask more and better questions
People feel engagement when we ask questions. Questions signal that we are listening and interested. Stanford researchers found that "the more questions asked, the better the first impression they had on dates."
Coach Chuck Daly said, "I'm a salesman." As coaches and teachers, we're selling our competence, character, and program. We're selling belief.
In our post-game analysis: remember the "Big Four,"
- What went well?
- What went poorly?
- What can we do better next time?
- What are the enduring lessons?
Make it emotional
Most coaches know the story of Rudy Ruettiger, an iconic figure who made it onto the football field at Notre Dame.
In "Teammates Matter," Alan Williams shares how when a new basketball coach came to Wake Forest, Williams had to try out again as a walk-on to earn a spot on the team. His teammates all came to the tryout to support his efforts. Being great teammates is a choice.
Be concrete
People respond to clarity and specificity. Expectations and role definition are essential. If we say, "our best defensive player" will start, then follow through on commitment. Players and assistants want and need to know where they stand. You never forget when a coach tells you, "You're going to start because you're in our best five" or "You're the starting pitcher in our season opener."
Lagniappe. Study five keys from Jonah Berger's Magic Words - AI (edited)
1. Use identity language
People respond strongly when actions connect to who they are, not just what they do.
Example:
-
“Please recycle” vs
-
“Please be a recycler.”
When behavior reinforces identity, people are more likely to follow through.
Principle:
Frame actions as identity choices, not just tasks.
2. Ask questions to encourage commitment
Questions prompt people to mentally simulate behavior.
Example:
-
“Will you vote?”
-
“Do you plan to vote tomorrow?”
Research shows that asking questions increases follow-through because people feel internal pressure to remain consistent.
Principle:
Questions activate self-persuasion.
3. Use “because” to provide reasons
Even simple explanations increase compliance.
Classic example:
-
“May I cut in line?”
-
vs
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“May I cut in line because I’m in a rush?”
Adding a reason—even a modest one—makes requests more persuasive.
Principle:
People comply more when actions are justified with reasons.
4. Emphasize possibility instead of restriction
Language that highlights what people can do works better than language that stresses limitations.
Example:
-
“Don’t smoke” vs
-
“You can stay healthy by not smoking.”
This shifts attention from prohibition to positive agency.
Principle:
Highlight opportunity rather than constraint.
5. Make progress visible
Language that signals progress motivates continued effort.
Example:
-
“You’ve completed 7 of 10 workouts.”
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“You’re almost there.”
This principle taps into the psychological idea that visible progress increases persistence.
Principle:
People work harder when they can see themselves moving forward.
Why the book resonates with coaches and leaders
The core insight is simple but powerful:
Small changes in wording can change behavior.
For coaches, teachers, and leaders this shows up in:
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motivating athletes
-
giving feedback
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framing expectations
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building identity within teams.
“First rule of coaching - do no harm.” - my friend Oscar https://t.co/9zNmMCMYpJ
— Brian McCormick, PhD (@brianmccormick) March 6, 2026
