Who and what make a difference? Has anyone ever changed your life with a conversation?
As coaches we have the chance to share, teach, and inspire. Forty-four years ago, I remember a coach telling the 17 year-old me, "you're playing because you earned the spot." A few casual words can leave indelible marks. I will never forget that endorsement and confidence booster.
My coaches talked family and schoolwork, discipline and sacrifice, and personal responsibility. Winning was a consequence of doing the right things every day.
Later, as a 24 year-old medical student, I heard the advice of my Intern (Anne Knowlton), who said, "I think you know a lot, but you've got to speak up if every else is going to know."
We need to recognize and appreciate our invisible influence in shaping lives. After parents, teachers and coaches can most transform, or traumatize, young people. How we approach that opportunity can't be left to chance.
We must hold their attention, earn their trust, and value them as people. Every day presents a teachable moment. Before the game tonight, I told a couple of players about a practice in the Middle Ages, going to the market to buy a piglet to raise for food. Unscrupulous merchants would sometimes put a kitten in a sack and sell the feline to unsuspecting families. When they got home they opened the package and "let the cat out of the bag." That also left them a victim of buying a "pig in a poke" (not inspecting the merchandise). They were literally "holding the bag."
When we add value to their lives, they can "buy in" as we sell our culture, philosophy, and team identity. We share best when we can truly say, "I believe in you." And when they respond best, "I can do that."
We can be warm and demanding, critical without demeaning. Relentless positivity doesn't ignore mistakes and recognizes high effort even when we lose. We can lose games but not lose our players' minds and hearts.
It's great to win. Everyone prefers winning but defining success means more than numbers. Maintaining the relationships, respect, and trust of our basketball community defines our broad narrative. We build that story on a framework of life-changing conversations.
