Authentic communication with parents, hard conversations, will always be tough. Bill Walsh's three F's - fast, firm, and fair - will never seem fast enough, firm enough, or fair to the parent who rightly sees through the lens of minutes and role.
Parents may disagree with my philosophy. If they disavow the value of teamwork, improvement, and accountability, so be it.
Transparency allows objectivity. Come to practice. Listen to pre-game and post-game (two minute) conversations. I remember a parent over ten years ago responding to another who said their child wasn't learning anything. The mother (who came to most of the practices) answered, "I'm learning a lot."
Stay humble. Coach Dean Smith said, "A lion never roars after the kill." Win with humility and lose graciously. I can't recall much about middle school basketball scores over half a century ago.
Teach. The court is our classroom. We're not teaching your child politics or religion. But stories of empowerment and leadership belong in our lane. Our children need to hear how Frances Perkins was the first woman cabinet member (FDR, Secretary of Labor), how Arlene Blum climbed Annapurna, smoke jumper Wagner Dodge made a life or death decision his men ignored, and how Wilma Rudolph overcame polio to win Olympic Gold.
Our coaches want all your children to succeed; we promise to help them now and in the future.
I've been a sports parent and felt complex emotions...joy, frustration, the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat in games that decided States.
It's about the journey. Adversity becomes our companion, whether we want it or not. Sprained ankles, back pain, broken fingers, and battered egos are the tuition paid.
Encourage your child to star in her role. Many players don't want to be out there in the big moment. My wife told me that in one close and late game this year, a player's father told her his daughter shouldn't be out there in the final four minutes.
My priorities (family, school, basketball) sometimes cause me pain. But your daughter seeing Nana on her 75th birthday means more than a seventh grade game. And missing practice to study for a big test? I get it.
"You own your paycheck." The magic is in the work, investing or spending time. But I'm fair when the player who rarely misses unrequired work earns the time and the accolades.
Don't take it out on the officials. Their mission isn't to frustrate you or me.
Support your child, advocate for your child, but cheer everyone's child. Remember, no matter how much we love our child, nobody can protect them from another child's superior size, athleticism, skill, game knowledge, and hunger. That mouth gets fed.
