Have you coached your children? "Been there, done that." Did they or I learn anything?
It's usually easy to spot the coach's kid. She's the one jacking up shots like it's her last meal. The coach is saying, "nothing but net" and the sounds of airballs echoes through the gym.
"What were you thinking, Dad?" When your kids say, "you're the worst parents in the world," what do you say? I answer, "I'm only tied, because everyone else says their kids tell them that."
Add in coaching your children and create the ultimate competitive cauldron. Your kids, your spouse, and other parents all have you in their sights. First, I was coaching the "C" team, because the twins got passed over for the "A" and "B" teams. Expectations couldn't be lower for the 'Can't Walk and Chew Gum' roster.
Start with the Unholy Triad of minutes, role, and recognition.
Minutes. My approach was equal playing time. If parents said, "you're favoring your kids," they weren't watching. When it got down to 'crunch time' and the game was close in the final two minutes, I'd ask the team, "do you want to win or equal playing time?" Kids wanted to win. We didn't win a lot.
Role. Middle school basketball, regardless of competition, should be about player development. Concepts, teamwork, skill building, and "the basketball experience" matter. My sharpest memory of playing sixth grade basketball was a split lip. Who needs lip fillers when you have basketball?
If your career athletic highlight is being the star player of the "C" team, then you have no life.
Recognition. Nobody walks away from the lowest levels of hoop with ink and hardware. And nobody runs the coach who can't run out of town. I don't think half the players on the team played high school basketball at any level, but I hope that everyone had fun.
Enduring lessons. If you have the temerity to coach your kids, consider some truths.
- Model good habits. Be punctual, positive, and respectful.
- "Never be a child's last coach."
- Give kids a reason to feel good about themselves.
- Don't yell at your kid more just because it's easier.
- "Don't be an A*hole." There's no place for "hamburger drills."
- Reign in expectations.
- Don't let emotion overrule reason. The referees don't have it out for you.
- Encourage sportsmanship.
- Love your child for who they are not for whom you want them to be.
