The axe forgets but the tree remembers". - African proverb
While the concept is simple, applying it is not. A person hurt in a situation remembers, whereas the aggressor may not. A waitress served a large party, working diligently and providing good service. They left no gratuity.
She never forgot and they probably never remembered. And it drove her to treat everyone well.
Sometimes genuine misunderstandings happen. But many of us remember slights that seemed intentional. In Teammates Matter, walk-on Alan Williams describes the equipment manager not providing him with a black-and-gold Wake Forest travel bag. He was helpless. Later, he returned to his locker and found one. The star player had left his. When the best player is the hardest worker and the best teammate, ripple effects happen.
Hard work, focus, toughness, teamwork, and empathy are choices. People remember how we treat them.
Strive to treat people better - how we greet them, how we lead them, how we write and speak about them. Our human imperfections will leave us short at times.
How can we do better?
- Plan hard conversations. Discuss both performance and feelings. Always have another adult with us during a hard conversation.
- Allow a cooling off period. The "24 hour rule" lets everyone calm down.
- Never "punch down."
- Work on positivity. "We cannot live a positive life with a negative attitude."
- Listen better. Listen to understand not just to respond.
- Make respect of others a priority.
- Remember the Fourth Agreement. "Always do your best."
- Traffic in specifics. "This is our expectation for you. This is how we want you to do this."
- Get feedback. "Now that we've explained the process, the intermediate steps, and the desired end state, please explain your understanding." The planning scene in The Dirty Dozen does this magnificently.
The proverb "The axe forgets but the tree remembers" speaks to how the person who inflicts harm (the axe) often moves on quickly, while the one who was harmed (the tree) carries the memory of the pain. In basketball, this concept can apply in several ways:
1. Physical Play & Tough Fouls
A defender might deliver a hard foul to stop a fast break, then immediately move on—especially if it was a strategic "no harm, no foul" play. But the offensive player who got hit may remember that foul the next time they drive to the basket, possibly hesitating or playing more cautiously.
Example: A player like Draymond Green (known for aggressive defense) might forget a hard foul, but the opponent (like LeBron James after a playoff battle) may remember and adjust their game accordingly.
2. Trash Talk & Mind Games
A player might talk trash in the heat of the moment, then brush it off after the game. But the targeted player could carry that disrespect, using it as motivation in future matchups.
Example: Michael Jordan famously remembered every slight—real or imagined—and used it to fuel legendary performances against opponents who may not have even realized they’d provoked him.
3. Playoff Rivalries
A team that dominates another in the playoffs (e.g., sweeping them) might quickly shift focus to the next round, while the losing team stews over the defeat all offseason, using it as fuel for redemption.
Example: The 2011 Miami Heat may have moved past their Finals loss to Dallas, but Dirk Nowitzki and the Mavericks carried that underdog mentality for years, making their 2011 title even sweeter.
4. Coaching Decisions
A coach might bench a player for a bad game, then forget about it, but the player could internalize that lack of trust, affecting their confidence or relationship with the team.
Example: Young players like Tyrese Haliburton (traded by the Kings) have spoken about how being benched or undervalued stuck with them long after the coaches moved on.
Key Takeaway for Basketball:
In the NBA—where physicality, ego, and competition collide—players and teams must balance aggression with awareness. The "axe" (aggressor) may forget, but the "tree" (target) often remembers, and that memory can shape rivalries, careers, and legacies. Smart players use this to their advantage, while wise opponents avoid giving unnecessary motivation.
Lagniappe. "Great offense is multiple actions."
"Get Action"
— Matt Hackenberg (@CoachHackGO) June 13, 2025
If the hand off isn't there, flow into the next read
If it is there, take the points like you see here pic.twitter.com/JLwUMdpTDj
Lagniappe 2. Coaches need information "on the ground." If we're detached, then we'll miss out on opportunities to improve. Here's a quote from Isaacson's Elon Musk that applies. "Because Gracias spoke Spanish like most of the factory workers, he was able to learn from them where the problems were. “I realized that if you invest in a company, you should spend all your time on the shop floor,” he says."
